


Ride

by dunisdun



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Based on Heathens, M/M, Nothing majorly triggering, Oh and not exactly based on facts (?), Some mental inconveniences, Tyler got some problems, You won't notice it too much I hope, basically tyler just got out of prison, else I'll put it in the notes, josh got some problems, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2018-07-26 16:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7581832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dunisdun/pseuds/dunisdun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fortunately he found him on that particular highway that particular day.</p><p>Very, very fortunately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one; intro

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written around September 2016. Today, January 31st 2018, I felt like writing so i updated e v e r y t h i n g. I hope it's not as shitty as before.

Out.

Finally out.

He inhaled. He exhaled. Was he actually out?

He took a step forward. “Good luck, Joseph.” he heard behind him.

He turned around, just in time to see a door falling shut, just three feet away from him.

He inhaled again, louder than before. Then exhaled. Wasn’t he supposed to feel free?

He crouched down and stood back up.

 _Is this it?_  

He had no idea what to do now that he was 'free'.

Why did he say his family was waiting for him again?

He had no idea where to go.

Left.

He ended up walking besides a highway. He figured his best option was to follow it.

_Highways always end up somewhere, don’t they?_

He felt cars rushing by. He kept on walking. He took a break, crouched down, and started walking again. His legs felt exhausted. It had only been two hours. He used to be able to walk miles without getting tired. Hm. He kept on walking.

He sat down next to the road. Cars were still flying by occasionally. He pulled his legs up to his chest, holding them together with his arms. He put his face between his knees.

_There were **too** many thoughts in there._

He heard a sound. He heard it twice. Then he _heard_ it. He fell backwards, startled by the noise the sound was actually making. He wanted to cover his ears, but that, of course, wouldn’t help now, would it. 

There was a black, shiny pick-up truck. It wasn’t one of those creepy ones he remembered though. As he tightly shut his eyes, the door on his side opened. He waited for a while, but nobody came out, nor did the driver say anything. He stood up, patting his sweats. He looked towards the front window, but couldn’t see much because of the sunlight reflecting right on it. He walked slowly towards the open door, peeking in. There was a guy, just about the same age he figured he was himself. He stared at the guy, frowning.

“Are you coming in?” the person asked. He looked at the driver a little longer. He considered staying on the ground. You never know who you can trust, after all. But then again, he had nothing to lose either. He climbed into the car, practically falling into the seat. Then he closed the door. He stared out in front of him, not knowing what else to do.

“No seat belt?” the person asked,

“Do I have to?”

“You don’t.” He put on his seat belt. The person next to him sighed softly before the car started moving.

“So. What got _you_ here?

 

.:~°/.

 


	2. two;

Another one.

Great.

He swung his bag over his shoulder.

"I swear to God if you're not outside within 10 seconds, Joshua I will-" 

A hand grabbed his shoulder. He flinched.

"I'm going, I'm going." he stammered. 

"You better, yeah." 

He swallowed.

Then he was out on the porch. 

Again, he flinched, but this time at the noise the door was making.

He stood up and stood there for a couple of seconds before he eventually walked towards his car. It was parked a couple of blocks away. That way they wouldn't notice. Or he hoped.

After he had put his bag between the two seats, he leaned his head on the steering wheel.

_Hell..._

He sighed shaking his head. He tightly gripped onto the steering wheel, causing a shooting pain to shot through his arm. He didn't wince though.

After a couple of seconds, he actually started the car, and drove off.

Right.

He never really went this way. He fucking hated how it was so straight, so long, so boring. There were so many opportunities to just, think, you know? Every little inch was the same as the other. But he did go that way, that day.

And that day, something was wrong with the long, straight and boring road. Something was interrupting it. Someone, to be precise.

He stopped in front of the mistake, like a glitch, stopping him from continuing his adventure, watching it intently. They didn't look up. He honked. Twice even, and they still didn't hear. The third time they did though.

He opened the door. Why? you may ask. Well.. Hell if he knew. He was aware this person could be a psychopath, he was aware this person may be a murderer. But did he care enough? Not really. So he opened the door, still eyeing the person carefully. They didn't stand up.

But eventually they did. Fortunately. He didn't really feel like yelling for the guy to come in anyway. He saw him looking through the window. Then through the door opening. He watched the guy for the shortest second before asking him to come in. Again, he stood still for a little while, but eventually he did. He glanced at the person now sitting next to him. Brown, curly but short hair, scar on his nose, cheek. He looked untended, not dirty, just a bit, worn-out maybe? He looked back at the road. He could tell this person wasn't doing exactly great. He looked pretty damn far from great. Maybe it was the way he was sitting with his head between his knees next to a highway, maybe it was the way how he needed 3 seconds to react to anything. Maybe it was just the extremely lost expression on the persons face that outweighed everything he'd stated before. Yes, he could be a psychopath, he could be a murderer, but he couldn't just leave the guy all alone, could he?

Maybe. Just maybe he could help.

  
~ 

  
He looked at the person that was now next to him, studying his face rather quickly. He didn't care about his hair. He had dyed it on the top though. It was shorter on the sides, long on the top middle. He had never seen someone wear their hair like this. He shook his head. He liked it, but he wasn't going to admit that. It even made him smile for the shortest bit. Besides that, he also had a stubble. He didn't notice much else, besides a light red glow on his cheek. He would say he was blushing, if it wasn't for the obvious outlining. He looked back at the road. 

“What?” he asked the driver. 

“Yeah. Normally there aren't a lot of people here, sitting next to the highway, contemplating the meaning of life, you know.” 

“Oh.” he let out. He wasn’t exactly sure if he wanted to tell the guy _what_ got him here. He normally wouldn’t give two craps, but he did now. And that made him feel somewhat weird. He was thinking about what to say next, his mind already racing, searching for the right thing to say. But the driver interrupted him already.

“I’m Josh.” he spoke, holding out his hand to the side. He looked pretty comfortable. Or relaxed, maybe. ‘Josh’, looked at him, a small smile on his lips. He extended his hand slowly, meeting Josh’s. 

“Tyler.” he said nodding slowly. Josh looked back at the road a couple of seconds after Tyler told him his name. “Cool.” Tyler found it weird that he changed the subject so easily. Most people would push you tell them, maybe kick you out if you wouldn’t. Maybe out of utter curiosity, maybe because of that weird feeling in your stomach that tells you when you can trust someone or not.

He sighed before leaning his head against the window. 

“Any idea where you want to go?” Josh asked after a while. 

He shrugged. “Anywhere is fine.” he muttered. He looked outside. This was nice. He hadn’t been in a car in a while. The last time was when he was being transferred. Hm. He shook his head at the thought. Josh didn’t speak again. The way this person was talking, felt unfamiliarly familiar. It made him feel comfortable. He felt like he could just sit, stare out of the window, and not talk with this person, without feeling like he needed to. Comfortably.

Tyler couldn’t get enough of the scene happening in front of him. Every little inch was different from the other. Too bad he didn’t have much time to admire them. This Josh was going pretty darn fast. He closed his eyes, exhaling a deep breath, before allowing himself to relax a bit. When he did, he noticed how tired he actually was. After a while, he felt himself doze off. But he didn’t mind. He guessed this, Josh person, wouldn’t either. So he let himself.

~

Tyler woke up, noticing he was all alone in the car. He looked to his side, outside. The sun was beginning to go down. Josh was nowhere to be found. He appeared to be at a parking lot. Tyler wasn’t sure what to do next. Would he go? Would he stay? He figured it would be best to avoid a situation that could become very uncomfortable. Besides, it wasn’t like he needed to be anywhere particular. So he didn’t really have anything to lose. Right?

He stretched out, for as far as that was possible. Then he noticed it. His wallet. Josh’s to be specific. He looked outside once again, before grasping Josh’s wallet in his hands. He hadn't gotten any money, since he told the angry prison people his family was waiting for him. But now that he had the opportunity, why not? He could use it, after all. His hands were kind of shaky, which was weird, since he so easily took the decision to take the wallet in the first place. When he was about to open it, he just wasn’t able to. He pressed his eyes close and threw the wallet forwards, not caring that it slid all the way to the front, touching the window. He opened the door and jumped out. He, again, pressed his eyelids together, shaking his head short and quickly. He threw the door shut furiously. He looked around once more, before rapidly walking off to wherever.


	3. three;

 .:

 

“Hey!”

Tyler didn’t exactly get very far, before he heard him calling out. He turned around. Tyler stood still, waiting for him to reach him.

“Where are you going?” Tyler shrugged. He frowned.

“ _Why_ are you going?” Tyler shrugged again. He wanted to say something, but Tyler interrupted him just in time, which surprised him.

“Figured I should. Didn’t want to be anymore of a bother than I already am.” Tyler spoke, a small, forced smile on his lips. Not to forget, that awfully… nice sounding, extremely short lasting shy but probably fake chuckle. “But thanks. For the ride, you know.” Tyler nodded shortly, almost kind of like the Japanese do when they great someone, but instead of one big nod, multiple tiny ones. The boy quickly stuck his hand out. It seemed like he had just remembered to do that, as a polite smile followed soon after. Josh stared weirdly at him. Then he reached for the boy's hand, hesitantly shaking it. He then turned around again, walking off. He noticed his hand twitching shortly after. He did nothing for a little while. This was the most this, Tyler, has spoken yet. And he was almost paralyzed by it. He'd now noticed how hoarse the guy's voice actually sounded. Like he hadn't talked in ages. Or well, a day or two at least. He shook his head, getting out of whatever space he was in. 

“I saw you grabbing my wallet.” He spoke out of nowhere. 

“I put it back.” Tyler spoke. He didn’t bother to turn back around, forcing him to speak louder than before.

“I know you put it back.” Tyler stood still for a moment, his head tilted upwards the slightest bit, as if confused. Tyler turned back around. He made an _‘and…?’_ face. He shrugged.

“Why were you going again?” He took a step towards Tyler.

“Didn’t want to be a bother. Trying to avoid uncomfortable situations.” he noticed that this guy wasn't very good at making eye contact. Or at faking smiles. 

“Where are you going?” He asked, scratching his neck. Tyler shrugged once again. He rolled his eyes.

“Come back in.”

Tyler looked at him as if _he_ was being the crazy person. He saw him thinking before he answered, “...No.”

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“See? You don’t even have a solid reason. Come back in.” He said, as he reached out to grab Tyler’s arm, wanting to pull him along with him. But oh no. Tyler clearly was not ready for that. Tyler tore his arm out of his. All of the sudden he looked more awake than even possible; his eyebrows were knitted together, his mouth slightly hanging open, but his eyes... He stepped back. He wasn’t sure what was going on, so he just held his hands up.

“Whoa. Sorry..” Tyler didn’t speak for a little while. He just turned around, before crouching down, leaning his elbows on his knees.

“Uhm. Hey... Tyler,-” He took a couple of steps forward, but Tyler interrupted him.

“Don’t. Say my name.” Tyler spoke. His voice was flat stern, but still kind of shaky. The guy truly sounded scared. He wasn't sure of what to do.

“Oh, okay. I won’t. Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“Okay.”

Josh still had no idea what to do. Or what was going on for a matter. But he was 100% sure he wasn’t going to leave the guy alone. Because for some weird reason, he felt the need to fix whatever that was wrong. Besides, he felt like he needed to take care of him. Maybe it was just his ‘caring earth’. Maybe it wasn't. He sat down next to him, on the pavement. He didn’t speak. For a while they sat like that, until all of the sudden Tyler stood up. He started walking. Josh stood up as well. He watched Tyler walk.

“Are you coming?” Tyler asked, standing next to Josh’s car. His hand was already resting on the handle. Josh tilted his head slightly, before taking quick hoppy steps towards the car before unlocking the entrance. Tyler climbed in. So did Josh. He started the car.

“Any particular place you want to go?” he asked.

“Can you just drive. Maybe?”

“Uhm, yeah. Sure, of course.”

≠°

His hand was twitching again. He looked out of the window, just like he had done before. He had no idea what had gotten into him just a few minutes ago. The way Josh touched him brought back the feelings he didn't ththin he had anymore. He shook his head.

_Don't think about it. Don't think. Don't. Think._

He ran his hand through his hair before holding his hand with the other. He felt Josh looking. He glanced back, trying not to look all too obvious.

‘’You seem nervous.’’ Josh commented. He noticed he tried to sound as relaxed as possible.

‘’Oh.’’ He let out.

‘’You know… If you really want to go.. It's not like I can force you to stay with me.'' Josh chuckled, but stopped abruptly after a second. ''I’ll give you some money and I'll help you find a place to sleep.’’

‘’I don’t need your money.’’ he muttered. He was looking down at his lap. He didn't want to sound mean, but he just felt like he had to. Maybe that way Josh would start to dislike him. Or maybe he'd at least stop caring. That would make it way easier. 

‘’Well, then I won’t give you any money. Your choice.’’ Tyler fumbled with his fingers. To be completely honest, he didn’t want to go. But his urges were eating him alive. He didn’t need anyone. Because that shit hurts. Wanting someone or something hurts. Hell. Anything and anyone hurts.

_ "Leave when it’s still. possible." _

had kind of become his motto. Pretty depressing, he knew. But it worked in almost every negative (or positive as a matter of fact) situation. So that was good. He didn't speak again for a while.

‘’Can I borrow money? I need to call someone.’’ he eventually asked.

‘’Didn’t you just say you didn’t need my money?’’ He could hear he was joking. Besides Josh was already with his hand in his pocket. He had an urge to roll his eyes sarcastically. He didn't.

‘’Here.’’ Josh handed over his phone. He looked at Josh, who nodded shortly in response. Then he looked back at the thing in his hand that was supposed to be 'a phone'. Dang, those things have changed. 

‘’I’d rather use a payphone.’’ he spoke, as he gently put the phone on his lap with a smile. One: he needed to be OUTSIDE, WITHOUT Josh, and two: he had no idea how to use this new creation.

Josh put it in Tyler's, ‘’Too bad. This is all you’re getting here nowadays.’’ He looked at Josh, before sighing. “I need to call by myself.” he stated. Josh didn’t say a thing. He pulled over a minute later. Tyler jumped out of the car, closing the door after.

No, he didn’t have anyone to call. But he figured Josh would leave him alone and stop worrying if someone were to 'pick him up'. Because for some unthinkable reason he was. He dialed a number on Josh’s phone. Luckily he was smart enough to figure out the little green  _old fashioned_ phone icon was the place to be. It went to his recent calls first. There wasn't anything there, except for one number, over and over again. Hm. He dialed his old number. Those days of repeating the only thing he remembered finally came to use. He was sure it wasn’t in use anymore.

Good Josh kept the windows closed.

He waited for a while, then acted like he was talking to someone, occasionally glanced at Josh, then hung up. He knocked on the car window, wanting Josh to open it. When he did, Tyler stuck his arm through it, handing Josh the phone. He smiled small.

‘’You can go now.’’ Josh made a face, contemplating what to do.

‘’Hm. I’ll wait with you.’’

‘’No no, you can go. I’ll be fine.’’ he showed Josh his award winning fake smile, once again. 

‘’That’s cool, but get in. It’s getting cold soon.’’ Josh was mirroring him. The same, fake smile on his lips. He knew. Why he continued? He had no idea. 

‘’No. I called someone, you can leave.’’  

‘’Well, I won’t.’’

‘’Why are you so damned-,’’ Tyler inhaled deeply,  shuttung his eyes. ‘’... Sorry.’’ he murmured. He tyrned sideways, looking behind him. Josh looked at him, confused.

‘’What are you saying sorry for?’’

Tyler shrugged, ‘’I- I don’t like swearing. Tha’s all.’’

‘’Oh... Alright.’’

For a little while they stayed in the exact same place.

‘’Well.. Are you coming in, or do I have to open the door for you. Again.’’

‘’You can go.’’

‘’I know you didn’t call anyone.“ he tried to show Josh his best, believable confused expression. “I did. You can look.” Tyler spoke, motioning to Josh’s phone with his head.

“You don’t even know where the hell you are.’’ Tyler glanced at Josh, seeing the guy getting slightly frustrated. He felt guilty. Also a bit angry. He sighed, before swallowing whatever was stuck in his throat. Then he started walking away from the car. He simply could not stand it anymore. He had to go. Leave this Josh that brought back too many feelings he couldn't quite remember. He didn't want to see him. He wanted this vibe they had gone. Unexplainable, but it was just too strong. He couldn't handle it. It exhausted him. 

_Can you imagine?_

He stayed close to the road, so it was easy for Josh to ride beside him. So he did.

‘’I have no idea who the hell you are, or what the hell you did, but I want you to get in, since you're obviously in no state to take care of yourself.’’ Tyler bit his lip, as he shook his head short and quickly. He kept on walking, just a bit faster.

Josh leaned over even further towards the window. ‘’Do I really have to beg?’’ He had almost come to the point of running.

‘’Tyle-’’

‘’Will you STOP fucking caring?’’ he yelled, after turning around furiously, looking at Josh. Some people were looking out of windows, some stopped in their tracks to look behind. Josh frowned for a second.

‘’No.’’ Josh simply stated. Tyler kept on staring at Josh, and Josh kept looking at Tyler. ‘’Will you _please_ come in now?’’ 


	4. ≠«

_''Heh..''_

_''I told you it was funny!''_

_''It's not THAT funny, $%¡X;° .''_

_''Yeah it is.''_

_''Is not.''_

_''You're a dork. And no, don't even try to roll your eyes at me.''_

_*simultaneous chuckling*_

_''Hmm. Thanks for coming over today. I really wasn't feeling well.''_

_''Anytime, Ty. Anytime.''_

_''Why do you even care about me this much? Are you in love with me or something?''_

_*laughing from one side*_

_''Maybe I am. Too bad ****you'd never know.''_


	5. five;

=≠≈

''Thanks. For letting me stay. And all.'' Tyler stood next to the front door. He was looking down, but glanced at Josh from time to time. Tyler decided, despite his feelings, to get into the car with Josh again. The car ride was completely silent, except for when Josh told him he'd stay at his place.                                                        

''That's fine. Sorry it's... Such a mess.'' Josh chuckled shortly. ''I haven't been here in a while.'' Tyler almost asked him why, but he figured it wasn't the right time. _If_ _it ever would be._ He just nodded instead. Josh threw his bag on the floor. Tyler wondered what was in there. It seemed to big to just be road junk. 

''So...'' Josh spoke. He turned around, looking at him. ''You know you can sit, right?''

''Hm? Yeah.. Well. I- I don't know. Thought I had to wait. For you. It's your house. Right? Yeah.'' Nervous? Where?

''Oh. Well, you can sit down.'' Josh watched him, a small confused grin on his face. Tyler looked at him for a second, before reacting. He nodded quickly, walking towards the only couch. 

"Would you maybe like something to drink? Or eat? Do you need your phone charged? Whatever?" Josh stood next to a table, leaning on it with one hand. Josh noticed this boy hadn't used his own phone at all so far, which he found extremely weird. Since well, you know why. 

"Oh. No." he spoke softly, as he hesitantly glanced at Josh for a second before his eyes immediately headed back to the wall. Josh frowned for a second, but decided to move on anyway. He had to make this guy feel comfortable. Even if it was just for a tiny bit. Tyler noticed. There was this hint in Josh's voice, Tyler couldn't quite understand what it was or how he needed to react to it.

"Okay.. Uh. Just a question, are you a coffee or a tea person?" Josh asked. He figured it would be helpful to know for tomorrow morning. If he'd still be here.

"...None..." to be honest, Tyler didn't know. But he decided at that moment that he wouldn't like hot drinks that much. 

"None? Then what do you drink?" Josh spoke, maybe a bit too loud. He just chuckled it off. 

"Uhm.. Water." 

"Just water?" Josh now looked funny at Tyler. 

"Well, yeah... Or wait-"

Tyler's heart stopped. He was probably just as shocked Josh. Or just as shocked as he figured Josh would be. Why? Until now, he hadn't talked to this person on his own initiative at all, and he didn't plan on doing that anytime soon either. The words just found their way out somehow. And Tyler couldn't help but to be angry at himself. "Never mind." he quickly muttered. He went back to staring at the wall, only now, his fingers were furiously fiddling with each other, but not all too obvious, obviously. 

"Wait no, tell me what you were going to say." Yes, Josh was shocked as well, but he could see Tyler was shocked enough on his own already, so he tried to sound calm.

"It's nothing."

And there he was again, all locked up. 

"Okay... " Josh spoke. He figured he wouldn't force him to speak. He could understand. He know how it felt, after all. 

He shook his head. "I'm just.. I'm gonna make myself something to eat. If you need anything, I'll be in the room behind you." Tyler swallowed. He didn't want to be here. It made him feel paranoid. It gave him too many thoughts, too many things to look out for. He felt like his body was moving rapidly, even though he was sitting down. His stomach was churning, even though that's supposed to be 100% impossible. He remembered this feeling. He'd learned to deal with it. He had to, after all. But now that it was back, he had no idea what to do about it. 

Then Tyler jumped up. He held his hand over his mouth, desperately trying to hold in whatever was planning on coming out. He quickly went to the room behind him. 

Tyler looked at Josh. Josh didn't know what was going on.Tyler took his last seconds to turn around, just to make it a little less bad. Just like that, he had thrown up in a strangers home. He never thought he'd ever do that. Josh was behind him, and wasn't sure how to react. Tyler eventually tried catching his breath. His head turned, and he noticed Josh. He closed his eyes and felt almost as nauseous as before. He gripped onto the wall. 

"I-I-I-I I gotta go. I really gotta go I'm so sorry I have to go I have to go-" Tyler started stammering, as he looked for surfaces to hold on to. There wasn't a whole lot. He tried going straight for the door. 

"Just shut up." he said as he desperately looked around the room. He got the one chair he had, conveniently placing it next to Tyler. "Sit."

Tyler's eyes shifted everywhere, he couldn't seem to focus on anything but the sudden feel of cold plastic against his hand as he finally found something. He was shaking. 

"It's alright. Calm. You can calm down. I-it happens. No need to feel bad about it. I'd be nervous too in a situation such as this one," After Tyler heard that, he was nodding. He was nodding so quickly, almost convincing himself. "I'll clean it up."

That made Tyler's head shoot up. 

"No I'll do it. I'm cleaning it up, I did it I clean it." He looked up at the other, his face almost begging. His eyes wide and piercing, his words sure like they never were. Josh nodded. "Okay. I'll get you your things." 

~

"So. You okay?" Tyler nodded. He felt okay. He felt quite good, actually. Better than before, that's for sure. "I'm good." he spoke, still trying to find a normal, healthy heartbeat. 

"Good."

Josh got up. Tyler sat down on the couch, knees up. A minute later Josh came back with a bottle of water. He held the bottle in front of his face. 

"Thank you." Tyler murmured, carefully reaching out. Josh only nodded, before leaving once again. 

A little while later, he came back into the room, a plate in each of his hands.

"Here, I made you this. I know you said you didn't want anything, but you haven't eaten since I picked you up, so I figured you were hungry anyway." he put the plate in front of Tyler, on an - extremely low - table. Then he went back to the kitchen. He came back with a tall can in one of his hands. Tyler recognized it all too well. Josh noticed. 

"Here, I'll get another one." Josh practically shoved the can in Tyler's hand, before quickly getting another one for himself. Tyler looked at the can. _Hm._. He remembered stealing them from his dad. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the same can opening. Only it was Josh's. He looked up. 

"So you like this as well, besides water?" Josh took a sip of his own energy-packed drink. Tyler just shrugged. He was still looking at the can. 

"Want me to open it for you?"

"No, no. I can do it." then he opened it, all by himself. It took him a couple of seconds, before he actually brought the can up to his lips. As soon as the liquid touched his tongue, he started remembering things. Tyler obviously liked the drink. Needless to say, the can was empty within 20 seconds. 

"Another one?" Josh asked, letting out one of those huffy chuckles. Tyler looked at Josh. He stared for a couple of seconds before a faint, polite smile appeared on his lips. 

"Please."

 

≠

 

They didn't speak all too much after. Josh felt like he had finally made some progress, while Tyler couldn't stop thinking about how bad he had fucked up. 

 


	6. six;

He sat up, ready to swing his legs over the edge of his bed. Too bad the floor stopped him. His heels collided with the floor instead. And it hurt like hell. 

_Fuck._

He was wide awake, not because of the pain, but because of the feeling like he had overslept. His heart was racing and he felt terrified.

But he had no reason to.

He was just too used to it.

6:03

_Later than normal._

He wondered if he had made any noise. He looked behind him. Nothing. He looked to his sides. Nothing. He looked behind him once again. Still nothing. He sighed. 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

His hands were suffocating his face. 

 _Don't_.

He relaxed his fingers. Good his nails were still doing a terrible job growing. He crossed his legs, leaning against the couch. He shivered, but it wasn't the same old wall he was used to. So he leaned against it even more, closing his eyes, saving the moment, as if he'd never get it back but in memories. 

"Tyler." Josh greeted from behind. He jumped up to his feet. He hadn't heard him coming in. He stared at Josh, maybe a bit... Too shocked? He felt stupid, for giving in to that extremely... soft... couch... 

"Oh, uhm. Did I scare you? I didn't mean to. I just heard something and I figured... Yeah... Sorry." Josh stayed quiet for a bit, watching him. "Is it your name?" Josh swallowed, not getting any reaction from the guy standing in front of him, before nodding shortly. "Okay..." Josh pressed his lips together tightly, before continuing his way to the kitchen. 

But a few seconds later he came back. He walked into the room further than he had before, and faced the - still alarmed - boy in front of him. Josh's brows were knitted together, the slightest hint of legitimate confusion on his face. 

"Why are you so afraid of me?" he looked at Josh. He didn't exactly expect _that_. Though, he'd love to know the answer to that question. So he just chuckled. Nervously, mind you. 

"... I'm not." Well... He wasn't entirely lying. He wasn't necessarily afraid of _him_. Yes, he was scared. But of Josh? He looked at him, despite it being utterly uncomfortable and terrifying. He couldn't look away. 

"I just want to help, you know." Josh was looking straight back at him. Now he was the one glancing away. Josh's eyes went to look at his fingers, which were tangled together. His shoulders hung low, and his eyes, just gave off this vibe he had not yet to witness, and he couldn't put a label on it just yet. 

"I know." 

"Then why are you afraid of me?" 

"I'm not afraid of you." Josh started to look even more confused at this point, if not frustrated. He couldn't stand it.

"Then **what** are you?"

 

 

He truly didn't know how to answer. 

He turned around, before sitting down a couple of seconds later, in the same, crossed legged position as before. He entered his thinking mode. 

"If you just don't like me that's fine, you know. That kind of actually explains why you wanted to get away so badly. You know? Maybe you're ri-."

Tyler shook his head, looking at something that's not particularly there. "I like you. That's not it." Tyler got to the point where he started getting frustrated by himself as well. He didn't where to look, what to search for. 

"Then what is it?"

Tyler was for a fact one hundred percent sure Josh wouldn't understand. He honestly didn't understand himself either. Or maybe he did. But he didn't want to. It just makes it so much sadder to know exactly what's wrong with you, but you just can't do damn a thing about it. You can't place it. 

"You wouldn't understand." he simply responded. He wasn't planning on telling him what he didn't need to know. Besides, he wasn't really in an 'explaining' mood anyway. 

"But maybe I would."

"But you wouldn't."

"... Okay."

 

### ≠

 

He had no idea what was wrong with Tyler and he had a feeling he probably wouldn't ever find out. He was so close to just, giving up on him. Since, if **_he_** was the problem, **_he_** sure wasn't going to be able to fix it. But just then, for less than a second, in the locked up space Tyler just seemed to get in, he looked up at him. He couldn't. 

"Can I ask you something?"

Tyler swallowed. Then shrugged. 

"What's up with your name? You don't seem to like it very much." Tyler appeared to be thinking, but it didn't take him very long. 

"I don't know." he was ready to reply with whatever nod he had been preparing, but then Tyler spoke again. "It's just.. I don't know. I haven't heard my name in a while." 

### ≠

He tried his best to shut the hell up. But at this point, he just couldn't care less. How loud they were telling him to 'no,', he couldn't help it. How bad his head was aching. He couldn't help it. They were screaming, yelling, banging for what he was about to do next. But he just could not help it. So he talked. 

"... I-I knew someone a while back,"

 _Stop_. 

This was one of his moods, where he was able to just ignore it. 

He coughed, "he meant a lot to me,"

_Don't._

It never lasted long. Which was good, since it always got him in trouble.

"he was the only one that cared about me," 

_He doesn't care._

But he liked it. It was him. The real him. Even if it's just for a second.

"I... cared about him."

 _Tyler_.

He would be like him, before everything.

"A lot,"

 _Tyler_. 

He would be himself, just for a moment.

"he was the only one that called me Ty-ler, " he chuckled. 

_stop._

He was alright with himself, that moment.

"everyone called me Ty. I fucking hated it." he chuckled a little more. 

 _please_.

Just for a moment,

"he was my friend, you know?"

TYLER.

he would go back to being his old, familiar, self. 

_Just for a moment._

And he stopped. For a while, none of them spoke. Josh knew all too well he shouldn't push Tyler any further, and Tyler knew all too well that if he'd continue, he'd fuck up real bad. Yes, he was in a totally different headspace than before, but he still had some common sense. After a little while, Josh was first to speak up again. 

"So... What do I call you?"

"You can say it."

 

...

"I don't hate you, you know." Tyler muttered after a couple of minutes. Josh didn't exactly know what to say to this. Just because he was so, internally blown away. Why, you may ask. He knew why. 

"Well, I don't hate you either." Josh could hear the nervousness in his own voice. He was not prepared for this. He knew that one wrong word, maybe even one wrong tone, may ruin this Tyler completely and he really did not want that.

But he chuckled. "Thank you _so_  much, Josh."

And that was the first time Josh had heard a genuine laugh from Tyler. He smiled slightly, but he couldn't help but think about everything that just didn't add up about this 'situation'. Josh tried to push those thoughts away though, saving them for sometime that night. He'd _definitely_ be up. 

This time Josh stuck his hand out; just like Tyler did earlier that day.

The smallest grin formed on the boy's face, as he hesitantly reached out for the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @DrowningInShips , for helping me improve this story back in 2016.


End file.
